Rapport is more than just talk. As the word denotes, its more like being wrapped up together so close with someone that you can hear each others breathing. Your conversation is such that you laugh at the same time, you nod almost at the same time, when you listen, you look deeply into the others eyes and can actually feel what they're saying, so much to the point that you find youself smiling as they speak. Ever find youself talking to someone and you get so caught up, your feet becomes numb and unable to move, your eyes are fixed completely on the person, and their words seem to slowly hypnotise you and its as if no matter how hard you try mentally, you dont want to leave. It would be correct to say, you were in rapport.
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In order to create rapport, you have to chain link every thought, every sentence, every phase of the conversation with her. You also have to use alot of differnt techniques in order to have maximum effect. You can utilize techniques like, mirroring, kinesetics, pacing & leading, and conversational layers.
To link your conversations together, you must respond to everything she says with something related. Even if you want to change the subject, you have to find a way of easing out of it. Case in point, if she says, "i really hate my toes". You break the conversational flow and sever the link if you respond, "....so do you have any siblings?" You want to stay on the same topic, in this case, "toes."
So lets say you're talking about sex, and i am using this example so that you can see how sex can be talked about interestingly, even to the point of attaining deep rapport, without being dirty.
She might say, i'm so disgusted with guys. Thats all they talk about - sex, sex, sex! Your response could be to defend yourself, lie and protest that you're not like them, that you're different and will show her when you sleep together.
Or you could begin pacing right away by responding in kind, reassuring her that she's right, most guys do  talk about sex alot. (refraiming can be done at this point too) Then, ask her, even though, she already said its disgusting, ask her again, "how does that make you feel?" She might respond, "I just feel like all men are dogs, that thats all they want!" You: "Yea, I know. Its just sad that some guys make it bad for the rest of us....some of us , (point to self) do like to have the pleasure of getting to really know a woman, to understand her fears, her dreams and to feel her emotions, deep inside :) That would be a wonderful thing if every guy could be like that...wouldn't it?"
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Can you feel the layers being piled on? And when she answers, just go deeper, and deeper, lowering your voice, using a bit of kino and mirroring in the process.
So how do you get her started? The answer is very simple: Open your eyes and observe a particular thing (something small and impersonal) about her that no one else would normally notice. Not the obivous like her nails, shape, pretty face, hair etc. Use something like the color of her eyes, her smooth skin, the way her purse fits her outfit and so on. Then ask her an open-ended question regarding the subject and let her talk.
Listen very carefully to every word she has to say. You will get clues to build upon a sequence of questions and keep the conversation focused on her.
By keeping the conversation focused on her, you kill two birds with one stone.
First, make the conversation interesting if it is focused on her because in her eyes, it must be interesting -- after all, she is an interesting person.
Second, show that you are a considerate and caring  person who is also a good listener. She is probably expecting you to compliment her on her beauty like all other men.
Instead, give here a neghit, nothing too nasty, but something that will catch her by surprise and intrigue her. For example, during the conversation, you can say something like, "I think I've seen you before, I'm not sure where, but I do remember seeing that dress before :)"
Of course you want the woman to associate happiness with you (anchoring), so you have to come right back with two positive hits. Something like, "I just noticed that you have: a beautiful collarbone / an amazing laugh / beautiful hands / a gorgeous dimple and so on. The idea is to give her the impression that you are being sincere and have your own opinion.
You don't want her to think that you are saying anything just to get on her good side, thats called supplication. Avoid supplication at all costs.
Third. Observation: Talking to a primary target is made easy when she is receptive to you. Remember that it takes two to have an interesting conversation. If you feel that the conversation is going nowhere, it does not necessarily mean that you're a bad conversationalist. In order to ensure that your primary target is still interested in you, you must observe her body language during the conversation. Look for these top giveaways to see if you should keep on talking or start walking. Dont waste your damn time. Remember: Your time is precious so give no indication thats its not.
Recommended: Rules of Power |
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